PHOENIX VS SANTA

3:00 AM

CUPID

they landed with comet rite as it became 3am, wow they werent that long

"ok so wheres cupid" said phoenix

"strange" said santa "comet doesnt no where he is"

"damn, being in space must have fucked with his reindeer magic" said phoenix "but how do we find cupid"

"hmmmm" thought santa "i dont no"

"wait" said phoenix "somethings strange, why arent those stupid children out singing cristmas songs?"

"because theyr asleep so santa doesnt arrest them"

"no way, lots of kids sing out here anyway just to annoy me"

"well they are naughty tell me their names"

"if i had their names they wudnt be around any more" said phoenix "anyway lets go look for em"

they got in the car and drove back to the office, its not too far from the space center anyway

"ok, so we gotta find cupid, but where is he" said phoenix at the office as he watered charley "merry christmas charley u get extra water"

"hmmm, i was hoping u wud have peeple to help figure dis out" said santa lookin for people

"wait wat" said phoenix "didnt apollo say hed wait for me wehn i come back to earth"

"idk cudnt hear"

"he did where is he"

he looked out the window and saw a light at the gatewater hotel

they went over there and opened the door AND SAW IT WAS VALENTINES DAY ON CHRISTMAS!

"whwhwhwhwhwhwhaaaaaaaaat" shouted phoenix as he shoved through the lovers and saw apollo havin sex with athena

"APOLLO ATHENA WAT ARE U DOIN" shouted phoenix

"fuck off phoenix" said apollo "u do not no teh power of PHYSICAL LOVE! or any love really"

"HEY FUCK U" shouted phoenix

"hooo? who ar tehs two"

"their people who work for me apollo justice and athena cykes"

"HOOOO?!" shouted santa "STOP THAT, GOD SAYS U CAN ONLY FUK UR WIFE"

"wat no he doesnt does he" said apollo

"YEA HE DOES, IM HIS BEST FREND, STOP IT AT ONCE!"

"fuck it were fucking anyway" said athena

"HO HO HO, UR GETTING NOTHING THIS CHRISTMAS, HO"

"santa calm down" said phoenix "well stop them"

"BUT HO? i mean HOW? they are blind to the GOD"

"ok, dont worry, i no wat to do"

phoenix got out his phone

"hey jesus get over here"

just then, kurain flights, the plane service of the kingdom of kurain landed outside and a bearded guy came in

"DETECTIVE JESUS IS HERE" he shouted as he played music with his damlan

but noone cared

"ohai jesus, happy birthday" said phoenix

"its not my birtday til tomorrow but thanks" said jesus "so what u need bro?"

"stop apollo and athena"

"sorry why wud i do that" said jesus

"BECAUSE THEY DISOBEYING MY FRIEND" shouted santa but then an arrow appeared in his ass

AND THEN HE GRABBED PHOENIX DRAGGED HIM TO THE FLOOR AND KISSED HIM, not under the missleto either

"ME LOVE U PHOTIX"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH GET OFF" screamed phoenix "or at leest shave ur beerd, thers food crums all over it"

he didnt tho

"JESUS HELP"

"why, tis is tru love"

"NO ITS NOT HELP"

"ok"

jesus played a song of sleeping and everyone fell asleep

phoenix was the first to wake up and he pushed santa off

"dammit" said phoenix "ok lets leave santa here, i gotta figure out why everyone loves each other"

"what are u doing anyway" said jesus

"i gotta find santas reindeer to save christmas"

"a REINDEER" shouted jesus "i saw a bunch of angels carry one into the sky in handcuffs

"WAT" shouted phoenix "take me there"

"ok"

he strum the damlan and then he and phoenix were in the sky and saw cupid arrested

and god turned to them

"welcome... phoenix wright"

"...god?" said phoenix

"yes."

"give us cupid"

"no." said god "he made gay cuples and sex before marrying, he is a sinner"

"wait what"

"yeah, so were arresting him"

"OBJECTION" shouted phoenix "love is beutiful thing, and has NO limits"

"AAAAAAAGH" shouted god "but but"

"no buts" said phoenix "teh fact taht u cant accept such buty proves that u... are NOT GOD, U ARE ACTUALLY..."

and he pulled off the hat covering gods eyes and it was GREATFAN

"WHAT ARE U DOING HERE" shouted phoenix

"i was paid by harry potter to capture the reindeer" said greatfan "but ur too late"

and they were too late because cupid shot an arrow at greatfan but guy in black suddenly appeared and caught it and threw it back and hit cupid in the face

AND THEN CUPID WAS IN LOVE WITH BLACK

"HA HA HA" shouted black "YEEEEES, CUPID, I LOVE U TOO, TAT MEANS A LOT COMIN FROM ME"

and then a flying blue car drove up to them and the door opened and guy in white and harry potter were there

"i politely request that black and his lover please enter the back seats" said white and they both ran into the back and the car flew away

"ha" laughed harry to phoenix "u guys arent shit now"

"NOOOOOOO" shouted phoenix "JESUS WE GOTTA CHASE EM"

"let them go" said jesus

"WHAT, BUT WE GOTTA CATCH THEM"

"we cant catch that flying car phoenix, well have to save cupid some other time, for now lets go back to erth, hopefully cupids spell wore off after it was used on himself"

"ugh fine" said phoenix "but ill catch them, even if its just to beat harry"

===EARTH===

"U LET THEM GET AWAYYYY" shouted santa

"i am sorry"

"NO SORRY" shouted santa "IM PUTTING UR NAME ON THE NAUGHTY LIST ONE BILLION TIMES"

"jesus man, u have to check that thing twice u know" said phoenix

"and ur wastin paper, save the trees bro" said jesus

"but i put it on computer"

"ok fare enough"

"lissen santa, if i save cupid and teh other reindeer take my name off pls"

"fine" said santa "hey uhhh whats those black clouds over there"

they turned to see black clouds coming with a castle on top of them

and they heard thunder, a storm was coming

TO BE CONTINUED