Hey, everyone! I guess this is going to be my first spork on the beta forums. I introduce to you...
phoenix wright ace prosecutor by icantyping
Rating: 3 Sahwits
This honestly is a typical trollfic in every way. It doesn't go out to offend everyone like Phoenix Wright Hecking Dies, but still. Usual fare- terrible grammar, illogical story, OOCness, but it's pretty average on the trollfic scale. Now, let's start with the first ever Beta CR spork!
Our sporkers today:
Phoenix Wright: Geez, it feels so weird without the smilies here.
Maya Fey: Don't say stuff like that, Nick! The Management's listening, after all!
Miles Edgeworth: Why must I always be here?
Apollo Justice: Well, I guess I couldn't hide for long...
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Done!
Sporking commence.
The journey to critic bad fanfics begins once more for our unfortunate sporkers, as they are all gathered in the new Sporking Theatre.
Phoenix: Geez, the place looks terrible here. Worse than before.
Apollo: Well, I heard that this place has opened prior to its estimated opening date, which explains a lot. (Including the fact that the management really wants us back in here..)
Maya: And there's no snack bar either! The fold up table just isn't the same...
Edgeworth: It doesn't matter how the place looks. We're still here for the same horrible purpose.
Speakers: Hey, that's no way to look at things, Spork Bitch!
Edgeworth: sigh
Phoenix: So what's it today, Management?
Speakers: Huh? Oh, it's the usual. Just another trollfic, by just the run of the mill trollfic author.
Phoenix: Huh, really? Another one?
Maya: Yeah! If this is new, shouldn't you have a better opening fic?
Speakers: Tch. You know what they say. Simpler's better. Now let's start this thing up!
Apollo: (Well, this is surprisingly fast for an intro. But you know what they say. Quicker's better.)
phoenix wright ace prosecutor
by icantyping
Phoenix: What.
Maya: So I guess this is some sort of AU?
Edgeworth: That name...it looks familiar.
Apollo: (Yeesh, Mr.Wright as a prosecutor. I don't think even I'd be able to stand up to him as one.)
Disclaimer: I don't own Ace Attorney, and I don't profit from this.
Edgeworth: It's coming to me now.
Apollo: Well, at least the grammar's alright.
writers note: hey guys the court records forum sporked my fic phoenix wright turnabout monster which is kind of weird cause fics are for reading not for eatin but its still cool and im a famous writer now so thanks court records
Apollo: Never mind.
Phoenix: Turnabout monster? Isn't that the fic where Robert Hammond is Gourdy and becomes a serial killer?
Maya: Ooh, ooh! And that's the one where you turn into a super cool mech and have an epic fight on the moon, Nick!
Edgeworth: And I end up in prison with the monster at the end. sigh
Apollo: (Huh? What're they talking about?)
phoenix wright was out on the streets cause he got disbarred. he was hobo now and lost his badge so he could not be defense attorney any more and he need to find job
"oh no" said phoenix "how can I be attorney if I cant be defense attorney"
Phoenix: Hey, just because I lost my badge doesn't mean I was homeless! I had a job!
Edgeworth: What, that abhorrent maelstrom of noise you call playing the piano?
Apollo: (And he did look like a hobo.)
The gavins had set phoenix up so he lost his badge and then the other defense attorneys all betrayed him and called him guilty when he got disbarred.
Phoenix: Betrayed? That's a bit harsh.
Maya: Sheesh, Nick. I never knew you had this much trouble after your disbarment.
all the defense attorneys like manfred von karma grossberg ray shields phoenix wright gregory edgeworth mia fey diego armando robert hammond apollo justice atena cyke kyle rivers and calisto yew had all betrayed him and kristoph gavin was even worse because he disbarred phoenix
Maya: Um...I don't think I've heard of most of these people before.
Phoenix: Most of them I've either never met before, didn't know at the time, or were dead.
Apollo: And they also put in your own name.
Edgeworth: And Manfred von Karma was a prosecutor. Did the author simply look up a list of names of lawyers and slapped them on here?
phoenix was so angry that he was bitterer than godots coffee. no mor mister nice attorney he would get his REVENGE pheonix had gone dark just like edgeworth and von karma and godot and all the other lawyers out for revenge
Edgeworth: G-gone dark? Me?
Maya: 'No more mister nice attorney'?
Phoenix: I dunno, I like it.
but first phoenix needed a job and since charley kicked him out of the office he had no place to live and he was a lonely hobo that felt like third wheel while maya and edgeworth had their jobs and got to watch steel samurai together while phoenix had to eat out of garbage so he went to visit godot at prison
Phoenix: I got kicked out by Charley?!
Edgeworth: Why is the author implying I watch Steel Samurai?!
Maya: And I don't think Nick ever ate out of the trash.
Apollo: Where's Trucy in all this, anyway?
Speakers: We thought she'd be unnecessary for this sporking. Our most sincerest apologies, Mister Justice.
Apollo: You know that's not what I meant!
"wait thats it" said pheonix "godot was defense attorney but then he become prosecutor so if I cant be dfense attorney anymore I will be PROSECUTING ATTORNEY"
Maya: That's...certainly some logic.
Edgeworth: I doubt Wright would even be accepted for the job after his disbarment as a defence attorney.
"ok see you later trite" said godot and then godot left to get more coffee at the gatewater hotel
Phoenix: Gatewater hotel?
Edgeworth: More importantly, isn't he supposed to be in prison?
so then phoenix called gumshoe
"gumshoe" said phoenix "can I be a prosecutor"
"sure thing pal" said gumshoe
and that is how phoenix wright had a job again and now he was a prosecutor
Edgeworth: Nggh! You do not simply become a prosecutor by asking a detective! Especially not Detective Gumshoe!
Maya: That was mean, Mr.Edgeworth.
Edgeworth: Perhaps so, but could you imagine the candidates he would choose given the privilege to do so?
Phoenix: He's got a point.
Apollo: (So by this logic, all I have to do to become a prosecutor is to ask Ema?)
phoenix walked into klaviers office
"ja ja ja who are you herr hobo" said klaver gavin
"im prosecutor nick" said phoenix "this is my office now"
"ja ja ja what" said klavor "ja ja ja OBJECTION"
Edgeworth: It is simply impossible to take over another prosecutor's office if they have done nothing wrong.
Apollo: Plus, Prosecutor Gavin sounds nothing like this!
"how does it feel to be the one losin his badge" said pheonix and he puhed klaver out the window and klaver fell to his death and landed in front of grossberg
"gumshoe" said prosecutor nick "arrest grossberg for the murder of klavr gavn"
Edgeworth: What?!
Apollo: Did he just kill Prosecutor Gavin?!
Maya: Wow, fic-Nick. Not cool.
Phoenix: I think it was less about losing his badge and more about losing his life.
and then it was time for phoenixs first trial as a prosecutor
"court is now in sesson for trial of grossberg" said the judge
"the defense is ready" said grossbergs lawyer who was ray shields
"decisive evidence decisive witness" said prosecutor nick "what more do I need?"
Maya: Why is 'Prosecutor Nick' talking like von Karma?
Edgeworth: I hate to break it to the author, but not all prosecutors sound like this.
"who are you" said the judge and grossberg and ray shields "are you the new prosecutor"
"yes im prosecutor nick" said prosecutor nick
Apollo: And no one comments on this? Shouldn't the judge recognise Mr.Wright?
Maya: Oh, Apollo. Still a newbie at this, aren't you?
Apollo: (Well, excuse me for trying to point out the holes in this story.)
"ok let the trial begin" said judge
"OBJECTION" said prosecutor nick "new trial rule: the lawyer who loses gets executed with the culprit"
"okay" said the judge
Maya: Well, this got exciting real quick.
Apollo: And the judge agrees to this too?!
Phoenix: This is overdoing it, even for His Honour.
"I call detective gumshoe to the stand" said prosecutor nick
"hi pals" said humshoe "the victim was klavio gavin and he was on roof of prosecutors office when grossberry came and shoved him onto ground and he died"
"okay now the defense can cross examine" said the judge
"OBJECTION" said prosecutor nick "new rule: the defense cannot cross examine anymore"
Edgeworth: This is one of the most one sided trials I've seen.
Apollo: Why is the judge just going along with this?!
"OBJECTION" said ray shields
"OBJECTION" said prosecutor nick "new rule: the defense cant say objection anymore:
"ok guilty" said the judge
Phoenix: ..Well, that was quick.
Maya: Even Prosecutor von Karma would be jealous at how fast that trial went!
Edgeworth: groan
"no done execute me" said shields
"pssh… nothin personnel… kid" said prosecutor nick
so then because of prosecutor nicks new rules the judge declared ray shields guilty two and grossberg and ray shields got executed
Apollo: This is stupid.
Phoenix: Really stupid.
Maya: Apparently Prosecutor Nick is the law of the land here.
"gumshoe" said prosecutor nick "arrest the judge for murder of rayshields"
Edgeworth: What the-?!
Phoenix: This just keeps getting better and better, doesn't it?
Maya: Depending on your definition of better.
Apollo: Well, at least it makes sense. The judge just mindlessly obeyed whatever he said. It's only fair he should get punished for what he's doing.
"its aboot time for the trial of the judge" said the canada judge
"the defense is ready" said kristoph gavin
"decisive evidence decisive witness" said prosecutor nick "what more do I need?"
Maya: Alright, we're already onto the next trial!
Phoenix: Why is the judge's brother here?
Edgeworth: Most likely because the author has never heard of any other judges before.
"its aboot time for the first witness" said canadian judge
"the prosecution calls the judge" said prosecutor nick
"court is now in session for the trial of the judge" said the judge
Apollo: Okay, I'm lost.
Maya: I don't think His Honour really is used to bing a witness.
Edgeworth: (Other than that one time...)
"OBJECTION" said prosecutor nick "your here to testify not to judge"
"okay" said the judge "the judge finds the judge GUILTY"
Phoenix: Geez, fic-me's already breaking his previous record.
"OBJECTION" said canadian judge "I declare verdicts not you now testify"
Phoenix: Never mind. I should've known it was too good to be true.
"judge" said prosecutor nick "did you find ray shields guilty"
"yes" said the judge
"and then he got executed?" said prosecutor nick
"yes" said the judge
"ok guilty" said canadian judge
Phoenix: And I take that back already.
Maya: Technically though, someone else executed him, right?
Apollo: But the judge was responsible for just following along with everything blindly, so he takes the lion's share of the blame.
Maya: Whoa, Apollo! That's pretty fancy!
Apollo: (...Not really.)
"now I will have my revenge kristhops gavon" said prosecutor nick
"noooooooo who are you" cried kristshop
Phoenix: Kristoph seriously doesn't recognise me.
Apollo: Well, its 'Kristhops Gavon', technically.
Maya: No, no! It's 'Kristshop', Apollo! It's a shop that sells Krists!
Apollo: And what's a Krist?
Maya: ...I'll get back to you on that later.
"my name is phoenix wright ace attorney. you killed my attorneys badge. prepare to die"
Phoenix: Rather over dramatic of me, to say the least.
Edgeworth: So is Kristoph Gavin going to be executed as well?
and then prosecutor nick went on to have a perfect record as prosecutor and he and farnizka prosecuted everybody and they lived happily ever after until one day
Phoenix: H-huh?!
Maya: Hmm. Nick and von Karma, huh...
Phoenix: Don't get any ideas into your head, Maya!
"this court finds manfred von karma not guilty" said canada judge
Edgeworth: Oh, thank goodness. Fic-Wright has met his match.
Apollo: Who was the defence, anyway?
"nooooo apollo justice you ruined my perfect record" said prosecutor nick and all his hair fell out and he turn into winston payne and lost evry trial ever
Apollo: M-me?!
Phoenix: Heh. Well done, Apollo. I always knew you had it in you.
Edgeworth: (Winston Payne? That name rings a bell...)
Maya: Wow, apparently losing one trial for Prosecutor Nick jinxes the rest of his career. How'd you beat him anyway, Apollo?
Apollo: D-don't ask me!
the end
Edgeworth: Thank goodness.
The lights come back on, though one appears to be flickering.
Phoenix: What's up with that?
Speakers: Ah, sorry about that. We'll get it fixed next time, promise.
Apollo: (Somehow I doubt they're going to keep their promise.) Anyway, at least it's all over.
Maya: What an adventure that was!
Edgeworth: An 'adventure' indeed.
Phoenix: At least it didn't go on that long though.
Thus, our sporkers leave the theatre, relieved that they didn't have to be there for long. However, this starts a new era of sporkings. See you...next time!
Well, that was fun to write. Hope you enjoyed. Constructive criticism is appreciated. Bye bye.
-SC