The Second Spork- Québécois
Hello everyone! It's been a while since the last sporking, eh? So I've returned with one! Introducing...
Québécois
by Pearl the Barrister
Rating: 2 Sahwits
This one honestly isn't too bad. It's actually pretty funny in some parts, and it has a strange kind of charm to it. One sahwit is simply for the mild OOCness in the fic as well as the out of nowhere OC. The other is for the fact that Franziska invites every AA character to the wedding (which is in Miami for whatever reason). Even the animals, killers and victims. Geez. But it's still a fun fic overall, and I think it'll be something good to spork and have more fun with.
Anyway, introducing....the sporkers!
Phoenix Wright - "I hoped that this break would be permanent. Apparently not."
Miles Edgeworth - "If only, Wright. You're too optimistic considering what we go through in this accursed theatre."
Maya Fey - "Well, there's only 2 Sahwits this time, so it's not like it's gonna be that bad, right?"
Pearl Fey - "Eh? Mystic Maya, what's a 'Sa-Whits'?"
Franziska von Karma - "How foolish it is that I must undergo this once more."
Kay Faraday - "Geez, I've actually been properly invited to this place for once?"
Well, let's get started now!
After a long break, we finally return to the sporking theatre, where our sporkers have seated themselves.
Edgeworth: Does anyone know today's topic? Personally, I have zero idea what it could be.
Maya: Other than the rating? Sorry, Mr. Edgeworth, but I've got zilch.
Phoenix: Zip.
Kay: ...Nada?
Pearl: Um...what is this place, Mr. Nick? Is this where we watch Kid's Masterpiece Theatre?
Phoenix: Oh yeah, this is your first time here as a child, I thi-
Franziska: Phoenix Wright! Why have you brought along this child with you?! *whip crack*
Phoenix: Ow ow ow! Don't blame me, it was the management! They asked her to come!
Speakers: Geez, passing on the blame so early? I don't blame you, though. And by the way, please don't break the fourth wall like that, Mr. Wright.
Kay: Aggh! They're here!
Franziska: Management! What is this tomfoolery?!
Speakers: Calm down. There's a very good reason why we brought along little Pearl. You'll see when we start the fic.
Kay: Okay, that's nice and all, but what about me?!
Edgeworth: Come to think of it, this might be the first time you've properly shown up here since Once Upon a Turnabout.
Speakers: Oh, that? Well, we just wanted to invite you here to show you that there is no escape this time around.
Kay: Eh? Wassat mean?
Speakers: Simply put, this theatre is escape-proof. So don't go trying to leave halfway through, 'kay?
Kay: Oh yeah?! We'll see about that! Hyah!
Edgeworth: Kay! Wait! (Where is she going to?)
Franziska: How foolish of her. Why did you not at least try to restrain her?
Phoenix: Yeah. (It's almost like they're encouraging her.)
Pearl: D-don't worry! I see her coming back!
Maya: Huh?
Edgeworth: What?!
Kay: ...
Speakers: What did we tell you?
Kay sits herself down, not making eye contact with any of the others.
Maya: It...really is impossible, huh?
Kay: ...
Speakers: Well, there's no time to waste. Let's get right into this, shall we?
Québécois
Chapter 1: Miami Bound
Phoenix: Qu-what?
Edgeworth: Québécois refers to an inhabitant of Quebec, or the variation of French spoken over there.
Pearl: Um...is this Kay-Beck located in My-Ami, Mr. Eh-ji-werth?
Franziska: Don't be foolish, of course it is not. The author is simply not well versed in their geography.
Maya: What a weird title.
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Ace Attorney/Gyakuten Saiban. I do not own any publicly recognizable characters. I only own Quick-Air, because it doesn't exist.
Kay: Quick-Air? Is that some kind of airline?
Edgeworth: Not iFly?
Phoenix: By the author's logic, they might as well own us since we technically don't-
Speakers: Ahem.
Phoenix: ! Never mind.
Franziska: Who has written this travesty, anyway?
Maya: We don't know if it's a travesty ye- *whip* OWWW!
Pearl: Mystic Maya! Are you alright?!
Maya: Y-yes. I-I'm fine, Pearly. Really.
Québécois
By Pearl the Barrister
Phoenix: What.
Pearl: E-eh?
Maya: P-Pearly?!
Franziska: Ah, so it was you who wrote it then. Very well, I suppose it's understandable for a child your age to not be well versed in writing.
Pearl: B-but I didn't! I really didn't write this!
Edgeworth: Obviously not. It just was written by someone with a similar name. (Who is a barrister as well.)
Kay: Why'd they write the title twice anyway?
Miles Edgeworth sighed. He felt like hitting his head on the cheap plastic tray in front of him. Edgeworth was sitting in a cheap discount first class seat 8E in a cheap discount airliner owned by a cheap discount airline.
Maya: I'm noticing a pattern here.
Edgeworth: How. How did this happen?
Phoenix: Why is the first class so cheap? What kinda plane is this?
Now, he could have been flying in World Traveler class on Pan Am (an airline that had been defunct for over 30 years or so) if he wanted. But, he couldn't, thanks to Franziska's GRAND idea.
Kay: How does that work?
Franziska: *whip* Miles Edgeworth! You know that defunct means no longer in service, correct? Then it is IMPOSSIBLE to travel on the airline, you fool!
Edgeworth: Ngghooooh!
Edgeworth and Franziska were getting married in Miami in three days. That was the easy part.
Edgeworth: The easy part?!
Franziska: What?! *whip crack*
Pearl: Wait... You two are....special someones..?
Maya: Oh no. Pearly, Pearly! Don't go there!
Phoenix: (Poor Edgeworth. So this is why they made me bring Pearl here today.)
Kay: Miami? Why there?
Franziska: This foolish fool of an author does not realise that I am a von Karma! If I will be married, it will only be to a man who is at the same level of perfection as me! And it will only be in Germany, the land of perfection!
Phoenix: (I'm sensing a little bias on that last par-) *whip* OWWW!
Franziska: Don't think I can't tell what you are thinking, Phoenix Wright!
But then, Franziska had decided to invite EVERYONE they knew- even the dead ones and the ones in prison (that had been a slight problem). She had even offered to pay for everyone to get there.
Everyone: ...
Edgeworth: *facepalm*
Maya: Wow. Just...wow.
Pearl: Is this feat even possible?
Kay: So they've got killers as well as rotting corpses on that plane? Nice to know.
Phoenix: This is wildly generous for Franziska. Thoughts?
Franziska: ...I refuse to comment on such a foolish thing.
He had nearly fainted when he heard that. Franziska was not known for her generosity, but rather for her whip.
Edgeworth: They aren't even trying to justify this!
And so, he had had to find the cheapest airline possible for 125 people and 5 animals.
Kay: And now animals as well?! What a plane.
Maya: Um...wow. Though I'd think Franziska knew more than 12- *whip* YEOOWW!
Franziska: Of course I do! This author is simply generalising based on the people I have met in this foolish country!
The cheapest airline was called Quick-Air and sold first class tickets for 20 round-trip from LAX to Miami and back. He had done the math and figured out that with 20 tickets for 20, and 105 tickets for 10, along with other costs, they would be paying 2,041.30 for transportation alone, not including the actual wedding (about 10k). Edgeworth looked sadly at his pocketbook stuffed with too many receipts and not enough money.
Edgeworth: Why am I going with this?
Pearl: Oh, wow! You really would do anything for her, wouldn't you, Mr. Eh-ji-werth?
Edgeworth: What?!
Maya: At least we know what Quick-Air is now.
Phoenix: And what an airliner it is.
Kay: Based on how cheap they sound, the author can own them for all I care.
But he had other things to worry about. Like the fact that someone was kicking the back of his chair.
Aggravated, he turned around and saw Maya kicking the plastic tray. A hamburger was stuck in one of the thick plastic bolts. "STUPID TRAY! YOU ATE MY BURGER!"
Maya: What?! That's totally rude of you, tray!
Kay: How does that even work?
Edgeworth sighed again. "Maya, will you please stop KICKING THE BACK OF MY SEAT!"
Maya, who was trying unsuccessfully to use her teeth to get the burger unstuck from the tray, looked up innocently. "OK, Mr. Edgeworth."
Maya: Okay, fic-me could've totally pulled it out by now.
Sighing for at least the 100th time in that hour, Edgeworth settled back into his seat, in what had to be the only row with extra seats in the whole plane.
"Attention, passengers," rang out a voice, "we will be stopping in Las Vegas shortly for about ten or fifteen minutes or so."
Phoenix: This Quick-Air is sounding more and more professional by the minute.
After that it was quiet for about six or seven seconds. Then, suddenly, a cry came from about a two rows in front of Edgeworth.
"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!" screamed Prosecutor Godot to a flight attendant. "YOU PUT MILK into my coffee!"
Edgeworth: While that is indeed in character for Mr. Godot, I highly doubt he would be considered a Prosecutor anymore.
Franziska: They really are just putting murderers in the plane?!
The flight attendant ignored him and walked off. Edgeworth sighed again.
Phoenix: Extremely professional.
IN THIRD CLASS:
Meanwhile, in seat 45Z, Franziska von Karma, soon to be Franziska Edgeworth, sighed. If the conditions were bad in first class, they were certainly worse than abysmal in the very back of third class.
Kay: Why's the Whip Lady in third class?
Maya: She is the bride, after all. She should be next to Mr. Edgeworth!
Pearl: Yes, special someones should never be separated like that!
Franziska: Grrr! I would never change my perfect name of von Karma for such a fool as Miles Edgeworth!
The seats were at least 2 times smaller than the tiny ones in first class, and they had tried to fit seven seats into one row on a narrow-body airliner. Meaning that they had no aisles except for one tiny one at the end. Franziska figured it would take them 30 minutes just to get off the plane.
Phoenix: It's almost as though inviting everyone you knew in America was a bad idea.
Franziska: I know that, Phoenix Wright! *whip crack*
Phoenix: YEOOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW!
Maya: Geez, Nick, you scream like a girl more than I do.
Phoenix: (Agh! That totally strikes my manly bars...)
And to make matters even worse for her, Franziska was wedged in the sixth seat in the row, right next to Plum Kitaki (in seat 45AA) and Marvin Grossberg (in seat 45Y). This basically meant she couldn't move for six hours.
Edgeworth: I do not believe Franziska knows either of those people.
Phoenix: Heck, even I don't recognise the one to the left of her.
Kay: This sounds really terrible.
But she could whip people. She had whipped Plum 42 times, Grossberg 81 times, Adrian Andrews (in seat 44Y) 10 times, and Matt Engarde (in seat 44Z) 30 times.
Pearl: That nasty man is here too?!
Phoenix: Adrian as well. (Though I somehow can't believe Franziska whipping her.)
She channeled her anger into her whip one more time and whipped Grossberg for the 82nd time.
"Oh my stars! The days of my youth flash before my eyes, the scent of fresh lemon..." Grossberg dozed back off to sleep after being startled awake.
Kay: So counting this, she's whipped everyone 164 times.
Franziska: I do not blame myself for doing so.
Maya: Like they say, no kill like overkill.
Finally, the plane landed in Las Vegas. Of course, they couldn't actually get out, but it calmed Franziska's nausea for a few minutes or so. At 3:00 PM they took off again, bound for Miami.
Phoenix: It'd make more sense to land in Quebec considering the title.
Edgeworth: No, that would conflict with the route we're taking. We wouldn't suddenly stop in Canada for no reason. That would take more time than even going to Miami.
Phoenix: ...Oh. (Darn it, Edgeworth!)
IN FIRST CLASS:
Edgeworth, who had dozed off, was startled awake by something very large and very heavy falling onto him.
Kay: What, we're switching perspectives now?
Pearl: What is this large and heavy thing?
What will happen? This is only the first chapter of what will probably be six-twelve or so, all the way from the plane flight to Edgey/Franzy wedding to AJ and so on. Please R and R!
Pearl: AJ? R and R?
Edgeworth: R and R, I presume, stands for 'Rate and Review'. I have no idea what AJ stands for though.
Phoenix: ...Oh. A chapter end?
Maya: What a cliffhanger though!
Kay: Wait, twelve chapters? That's a lot. Will we be able to do all that?
Speakers: The author only actually wrote 5 chapters, so we'll be sporking those. Anyway, next chapter!
Québécois
Chapter 2: Flying Along
Phoenix: Things are going flyingly well, I guess.
Edgeworth: You're thinking of swimmingly, Wright.
Disclaimer: Unless I magically was able to gain control over AA in the past few hours, which I didn't, I don't own AA.
Franziska: That is a relief.
Location: Seat 8E
"AAUGH!" he screamed. A black-and-green striped suitcase had fallen out of the half-broken overhead basket (yes, I said BASKET!).
Pearl: Why is there a basket, Mr. Nick?
Phoenix: I think that may be this airline's cheap version of a luggage compartment, Pearls.
Edgeworth: More importantly, I am surprised that that suitcase did not kill me instantaneously.
Then he noticed everyone was looking at him. "Uh, sorry..." he murmured.
Hoping to find something to ease the intense pain, he pressed the "call flight attendant" button. It didn't work. Finally he figured out it was broken.
Kay: Yeesh, you should at least get a first aid kit or something, Mr. Edgeworth. I think there might be blood coming out of your noggin.
"Ugh..." he groaned.
After sitting in pain for a few minutes, he stood up and headed back towards one of the latrines. Unfortunately, just as he was standing up, someone pulled on their overhead basket to take something out, and it broke, falling onto Edgeworth's head.
Edgeworth screamed again.
Maya: Okay, no way he's still alive at this point.
Franziska: At the very least, Miles Edgeworth should have suffered more than a little headache.
Phoenix: Something like a cerebral hemorrhage.
"Oops," came a familiar voice. "Sorry."
Edgeworth turned around to face Phoenix Wright, who was sheepishly holding the handle of the broken basket.
"Don't worry about it," he said gruffly, turning around and heading towards the lavatories.
Edgeworth: Most likely to find some bandages or perhaps a doctor.
Maya: Say Nick, is there anyone here we know who's a doctor?
Phoenix: Well, since the author apparently is a necromancer, I wouldn't be surprised if Dr. Grey were here. Oh, and I think I see Eldoon. He used to be a doctor too, I hear. And if he counts, I guess Dr. Hot- *whip* AAAAUGH!
Franziska: Do not say that name in front of me, Phoenix Wright!
Phoenix: *whimper* Sorry...
"Mr. Edgeworth does seem grumpy today, doesn't he, Nick?" Maya inquired of Phoenix as they picked up their luggage that had once resided in the broken basket.
"I wouldn't blame him," replied Phoenix.
Maya: Yeah, really.
Location: Seat 45Z
Franziska von Karma whipped Dee Vasquez (in seat 45Q) for at least the tenth time in that hour. "FOOLISH FOOL!! DO NOT SOIL MY LUGGAGE WITH YOUR TOBACCO!!"
Kay: Which brings the total to at least 174.
Maya: Ms. Vasquez never really seemed to be the type to litter, though.
Franziska had gone whip mad in the past few minutes. Anyone who as much as blinked felt her wrath.
"Oh, my hemorrhoids..." complained Marvin Grossberg, who had been whipped over 300 times that day.
Kay: Oh, um...that's a lot, then. I can't even keep count of this anymore.
Maya: You did a good job though!
"Fool!" screamed Franziska, whipping him.
Adrian Andrews (seat 44Y) turned around in her seat. "Franziska, don't you think you're going a little overboard?"
"Nonsense!" she barked. "Foolish fools don't know how to act and must be whipped!"
Edgeworth: Quite hypocritical coming from the woman who invited them here.
Franziska: I cannot argue with that. My fictional self is not perfect, it seems.
Adrian sighed.
Location: Seat 7E
Phoenix Wright leaned back in his uncomfortably stiff chair. "Aah, this is the life," he thought sarcastically.
Pearl: Now we're back to Mr. Nick?
Phoenix: Just be thankful you're in first class, fic-me.
He reached forward to grab some flashy magazine in the pocket of the seat in front of him.
Sitting back in the (cardboard) chair, he looked around him. Maya was gorging herself on plasticine-looking mini-burgers,
Maya: Wow, author. My standards aren't that low. I wouldn't eat something that looks more like a child's art project- no, not to you, Pearly- than a proper meat sandwich.
Phoenix: (A proper meat sandwich which you get with my money.)
Edgeworth was reading something (unaware that his half-broken overhead basket was dangerously close to falling on his head),
Kay: Okay, this is going to be the third time now. Do you really think he wouldn't notice?
Edgeworth: I would at the least wear a helmet of some sort to protect myself. And definitely report it to the crew, though judging by the apathetic nature of the staff I doubt it.
and Moe the clown had been knocked out by Regina's tiger for telling too many abysmal jokes.
Maya: Wa-What?
Pearl: Eek! A tiger!
Franziska: I cannot say that this was truly undeserved, however.
Phoenix: True.
Phoenix was in an uncomfortable position, although he didn't know it. Vera Misham (in seat 7F) and Neil Marshall (in seat 7D) were shooting each other murderous glances, and Phoenix was sitting between both of them.
Maya: Wait, where am I in all of this?
Kay: Huh? Yeah, you're right. The author said that you were directly behind Mr. Edgeworth, but that'd be seat 8E in that case since he's in seat 7E.
Phoenix: Which is where I'm sitting.
Franziska: So? It is merely a continuity error. There are far worse points to pick at.
Phoenix: That's pretty bias-
Franziska: What did you say?
Phoenix: Nothing!
It was about 7:56 PM when the dinner cart came around. "Hello," said the flight attendant cheerfully. "What would you like? "
"I'll have one chili, please," replied Phoenix, "and a ham sandwich."
"I'll have the same," Vera muttered under gritted teeth.
"Same here," replied Neil, under equally gritted teeth.
Phoenix: That reminds me. Does anyone know who that Vera girl is?
Pearl: N-no.
Edgeworth: Never seen her.
Franziska: Neither have I.
Speakers: Don't worry, you will soon.
Phoenix: ?
"BURGERS WITH MUSTARD FOR ME!" screamed Maya from a row-and-a-half behind.
Kay: Wait, now you're a row and a half behind them?
Maya: This seating plan is making less and less sense.
Moe was still knocked out.
Everyone: ...
"Hmm? Oh, yes, I'll have the Jell-O," said Edgeworth.
Phoenix: Not something I thought I'd ever hear from your mouth, Edgeworth.
Edgeworth: Judging by the general cheapness of this plane, I doubt the cuisine is all that great anyway.
"OK, that'll be a nervous pudding, Noah's boy on bread with a hot one, give it legs and make it walk," said the flight attendant.
Kay: Huh? Say what?
Phoenix: Why are we suddenly in the '50s?
Pearl: Huh? What is she saying?
Maya: It's diner talk, Pearly. It's not something kids your age would get.
Everyone stared at her.
"What about my burger?" asked Maya, who seemed to know diner talk.
"OK, add a wimpy and slap some Mississippi mud on it."
Phoenix: And of course Maya knows this stuff better than anyone.
The food was served and paid for (with record low prices) in due time.
Everyone except Maya took one glance at the food and dumped it into a bag. Only Maya could actually EAT it.
Maya: Oh, come on! My standards are not that low! *pouts*
Edgeworth: As I expected, the food is terrible.
Franziska: That food looks absolutely putrid.
Kay: Even the Jell-O looks worse for wear! How do you screw up Jell-O?!
What will happen next? I think the next chapter will probably be THE last chapter before the wedding. And no, Vera/Neil is not an implied pairing. And the "nervous pudding" talk was diner talk, which was why no one could understand her but Maya. Anyways, please R and R!
Phoenix: Odd cliffhanger again, but I'm glad that we're finally getting to the meat of the thing.
Edgeworth: It's frightening that they had to reassure the readers that Vera/Neil was not an implied pairing.
Maya: And thanks for giving away the already obvious explanation about the diner talk, author.
Speakers: Anyway, onto the next chapter!
Kay: What, already? Not even any breaks?
Speakers: Nah, the snack bar's still closed after all.
Kay: Um, but I really have to go to the restroom-
Speakers: Already secured.
Kay: Whaaa?! At least give me the chance to check it out! This isn't fair!
Speakers: Eh, why not? We'll wait and see if you succeed. Sure. A ten minute break should be enough.
The lights come back on.
Kay: What, really? Sure! Bye guys!
Edgeworth: Wait, Kay! (...She already ran off to the restroom.)
Phoenix: Well, I guess the only thing to do now is wait.
Pearl: What? Escaping?! Is that even possible?
Maya: Yeah, Pearly! She'll be outta here before ya know it!
Franziska: Hmph. What a foolish endeavour.
Phoenix: Hey, Edgeworth. What's that magazine you're reading?
Edgeworth: Hmm? Oh, it's just news. As a prosecutor, I must keep up with the times after all.
Phoenix: Oh, okay.
Edgeworth: (Hmm. I did not expect the Evil Magistrate to survive that fatal blow. Already this new issue is playing with my expectations. I wonder if they are going to address that pivotal plot point from Issue No. 34? With the way it was presented, I doubt it was a red herring anyh- Hm?) What was that noise?
Phoenix: Wait. Don't tell me-
Out of nowhere, a siren starts to play.
Speakers: Wh-what!? This means that- Hey, you! What's going o- SHE'S ESCAPED?!
Pearl: Huh?!
Maya: She actually did it! Whoooop!
Phoenix: Don't tell me she actually managed to escape through the restrooms.
Edgeworth: But how could she do that so quickly? We were only waiting for about two minutes before this siren started playing.
Franziska: How foolish. If the Management cannot deliver on their word to make this theatre secure, then perhaps we should simply leave if it takes us so little time to do so.
Speakers: But how?! The restrooms were secure, I made sure of th- THE FRONT DOOR?!
Phoenix: ...Somehow the answer was even lamer than I expected.
Maya: Okay, wow. That's the first thing they SHOULD have made sure to have secured.
Speakers: HOW THE &%?# did you leave that *!+{>¥ door unlocked?! YOU #^%+-
Maya: Eek, what rude language! Don't listen to this, Pearly!
Pearl: Okay!
Edgeworth: Really though, I think we should leave no-
Speakers: OH &@/% NO YOU WON'T! CLOSE THE DOORS TO THE PROJECTOR ROOM!
SLAM
Phoenix: Did I hear a slam?
Edgeworth: Well, I suppose we are trapped here for good now.
Speakers: Enough distractions! Commence the next chapter!
Québécois
Chapter 3: Preparations and Exclamations
Phoenix: We'll certainly be exclaiming, alright.
DISCLAIMER: See chapters 1-2.
Maya: What, did the author get too lazy to properly write the disclaimer this time? Laaame.
Location: Seat 45Z
Franziska von Karma sat upright in her straight-backed seat. This was probably the most ANNOYING thing she had ever had to do. Ever. In her life.
Franziska: Hmph. You only have yourself to blame.
The plane had been delayed by having to land in Kansas City, Jackson, and Tallahassee, meaning that it was now well past midnight when they were finally about to land in Miami.
"Attention, the seat-belt sign has been turned on. Please return to your seats and 'buckle up.' We will be landing in Miami shortly."
Edgeworth: Were those stops really necessary?
Phoenix: Knowing this airline's cheapness, probably.
Suddenly overcome with a surge of anger, Franziska channeled it into her whip and cracked it at the small piece of wood stuck in the ceiling where a basket had once been. It fell out and fell right into her luggage, splitting the zipper.
"AAUIGH!" she yelled, waking up everyone within a good fifteen or so rows.
Franziska: How foolish! *whip crack* If I felt the urge to whip, I would whip any one of the fools nearby!
Location: Seat 12D
Pearl Fey was startled awake by a loud scream. "What was that?"
Phoenix: Wait, Pearls is in 12D. If we're to believe that the scream is Franziska's, then it must have somehow gone through third class all the way to wherever Pearls is, which I'd estimate to be first class.
Pearl: Wow, the Prosecutor Lady must have screamed really loudly.
Franziska: I-I do not! This is just another misrepresentation of my character! Pay it no heed!
Location: Cockpit
The pilot veered the nose of the plane down and prepared to land the plane.
Some time later... Location: The Viance Hotel, Miami, Florida
Edgeworth: Thank goodness. The cheapness of the airline was beginning to grate on me.
Maya: How do you know the hotel isn't just as cheap?
At about 4.00 AM, everyone finally arrived at a hotel where the wedding would be held (Edgeworth was glad they didn't have to pay for everyone to actually STAY at the hotel). Most everyone was staying there, except for a few people who were staying at a motel down the street.
Edgeworth: Thank goodness I didn't have to.
The Bellboy volunteered to carry April May's (immense amount of) luggage, and there was a small amount of other hotel staff who helped with luggage, but other than that, everyone had to either carry their luggage up 12 flights of stairs (The International Cardboard Box Convention was in town, and they booked up most of the first 11 floors. The 13th floor was the penthouse, so there was only one block of seats on the 12th floor available) or try to get on the way-too-small service elevator or record slowest elevator known in the universe. Mike Meekins actually tried to fit in the kitchen's dumbwaiter, with amusing results.
Phoenix: International...Cardboard Box Convention?
Maya: Yep, this hotel sounds just about as cheap as Quick-Air.
Edgeworth: *sigh* This joke was barely funny the first time. Why reuse it?
Of course, by the time all 130 guests arrived and settled in to their rooms, it was about 5:40 and almost time for wedding preparations to begin.
Pearl: It only took them about 2 hours?
Phoenix: Well, it technically doesn't say whether it's AM or PM, so it's likely to be the latter.
Some time later... Location: The Viance Ballroom, Miami, FL
Nervously, Miles Edgeworth glanced around the large ballroom. All around the room, (expensive) preparations for the Edgeworth/von Karma wedding were taking place. They had decided that they would hold the wedding at the same place in the hotel, as it would cut down tremendously on costs (the prices had already exceeded 12,000 for the wedding alone). So, the caterers were setting up in the back while the seats were set up in the front.
Maya: Huh. In contrast to the rest of the hotel, the ballroom doesn't look so bad.
Edgeworth: I'm getting rather mixed messages from the author here.
Franziska: This trashy place is the wedding hall?!
Phoenix: (Franziska doesn't look so happy about this.)
"Excuse me, Mr. Edgeworth?" someone asked from behind him.
Turning around, Edgeworth saw Arlene Selztier, the wedding budget consultant Franziska had hired (for 16 per hour).
Maya: Oh, an original character all of a sudden?
Phoenix: '16 per hour'? 16 what?
Edgeworth: I'd wager dollars, considering this is Miami.
Franziska: What a price that is.
"Yes, Ms. Selztier?"
"Um, there's a problem with the catering. You ordered a lot of chicken, right?"
"Ye-es..."
"Well, they mixed your order with another, and instead you got..."
She moved out of the way to reveal several steaming woks filled with octopus.
Pearl: 'Wok'?
Edgeworth: A cooking vessel originating from China. More importantly, HOW do you confuse chicken with octopus?
"WHAT. IS. THAT," Edgeworth sputtered.
"They thought you ordered seven woks of octopus."
Edgeworth was THIS close to hitting someone on the head.
Phoenix: Acknowledging the stupidity of the situation doesn't make it any less stupid, author.
Location: Room 12AA Suite
Franziska von Karma was getting dressed for her wedding. She was wearing a long white dress with a short green veil.
"THIS IS MADNESS!!" she screamed. And for once, she was right.
Franziska: 'FOR ONCE'!? *whips the screen several times*
Speakers: The management would like to remind Ms. von Karma not to whip the screen. We may not be able to electrocute you in the new theatre, but we can do much worse if you don't comply.
Franziska: ...
Several people were running around the suite, trying to find "just what you need," or something like that.
Angel Starr returned with a cake of pungent puce-colored soap and the "Moss Special," April May insisted that a bar of "Hot Stuf Deoderizer" was key to a successful wedding ceremony, Ini Miney kept trying to convince Franziska that a green dough cap similar to her own was 'better than a plain old veil', and Manfred von Karma (accompanied by a federal agent) ran around bossing everyone and screaming, "THIS WEDDING MUST BE PERFECTLY PERFECT!!"
Phoenix: I wouldn't say Ms. Starr's lunches were that bad. Also, it's spelt 'Stuff'.
Pearl: Um, I think Ini Miney wore a white doh-cap.
Maya: It was really more of a beret.
Edgeworth: Are we not even going to mention Prosecutor von Karma and the federal ag-
Franziska: No. It isn't worth it. Let us move on.
It was going to be a very long day.
Edgeworth: At this rate, definitely.
Do I hear wedding bells ringing? I expect that that was the last chapter before THE WEDDING! Feel free to put whatever you think should happen in Ch. 4 in your reviews!!
Phoenix: At least these chapters are pretty short.
Maya: Yeah! And there's only two more left!
Speakers: Alright then. Let the next chapter be- Huh? Someone's at the front door? Who is it? ...Why, is that so? Bring them in, then!
Franziska: What was that?!
Speakers: Oh, you guys. You're lucky today. An extra sporker will be joining you now. Say hello!
Pearl: Oh! Who could it be?
Edgeworth: Wait...are the doors opening?
???: Oh, hey! What's this?
Everyone: ?!
Phoenix: That voice..
Edgeworth: That could only mean one thing.
Franziska: ...! What?!
Maya: Oh my god! It's-
Who is the mystery extra sporker guest? Why is everyone so surprised? Will this theatre actually have a functioning snack bar? Find out all of these in the next episode!
Sorry for cutting it short there. I felt that the spork was at an ideal length so I'll be posting the second part...hmm, about next week. See you all then! Please do give (constructive) criticism though, it really helps more than you could imagine. Bye guys!
(Credit goes to DarkAgea for proofreading and giving general criticism about the characters and such.)